Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Things to do with fallen fruit

Taph and TSS invited me to join them on the great apricot adventure of 2008. The problem was that there had been a major storm the day before and this had caused a great number of apricots to fall from the tree and start to rot on the ground.

Taph and TSS were happy to leave these on the ground, and just rake them up for compost, but I could see a much better use for them.

If we were to collect them, ferment them in a beer brewing kit, and then use a pressure cooker to form part of a still (just do not tell the customs and excise department), attach some copper tube as a condenser to the pressure release nozzle and I could make my own brandy, and then use the left overs as compost.

I even found this pressure cooker at Salvos, Mitchell, and the only wanted $8 for it. Just think, for an outlay of under $10, I could make my own brandy and vodka. I left it behind as i did not think the rubber seal was in the best condition.

That is the easy part. The hard part would be keeping the still at a constant 78 degrees. Actually after spending a night doing jam, i am so sick of apricots in my house that i have now given up on this and we have used them as compost.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

X-mas gifts for men

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

  1. When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
  2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "Okay. By the way, are you through with my 3/8" socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
  3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
  4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he would not have invented jockey shorts.
  5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy your man a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the program, your entertainment is watching him have fun!
  6. Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink-they are earthy.
  7. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. Again, no one knows why.
  8. Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says "some assembly required." It will ruin his special day. He will always have parts left over.
  9. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what the gift is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
  10. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook (but they will barbecue). Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
  11. Tickets to a Wallabies game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
  12. Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #7 (Remember what happens when he gets a label maker?)
  13. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
  14. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says "I love you" like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

yet another blog, do you want to read it.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Well here i am in blog land, writing another blog, however this blog is different, as i am not writing it to be read around the world by the billions of Netizens (Net Citizens), but rather am writing it for my self.
I have a few posts planned for the future, Hopefully the first few will delve into the psyche of men. Some posts will have SBB in the title. This stands for Secret Blokes Business, and girls if you see SBB in the heading please try not to read it.
Otherwise please enjoy reading my posts.